The Un-Wedding's Top 10 Awkward Wedding Planning Scenarios (and How to Survive Them)
Planning a wedding is exciting, but it can also bring about some of the most awkward situations you will ever face. From uncomfortable conversations to hostile family dynamics - these are our top 10 most awkward scenarios you may find yourselves in while planning your wedding, and how to survive them!
1. Comfortably Discussing Your Budget
Money talks can be majorly awkward, especially when it comes to deciding your wedding budget, and ESPECIALLY if there are contributions coming from other parties i.e parents. But without knowing your starting point, your wedding planning, and how much you spend, are in danger of getting out of control so, there is no avoiding this one.
After the dust has settled from the excitement of your engagement and you are in a position to start making wedding plans, arrange a meeting to set your wedding budget. If it’s just the 2 (or 3 of you, speaking to all the throuples we’ve been meeting lately at The Un-Wedding Show) then great, but don’t forget to include anyone else who may be contributing to the fund. Keep it light-hearted and have no expectations. Without getting ahead of yourselves and what things cost, find out what each of you is comfortable contributing. It might not be the same for everyone and that’s ok, everyone’s finances are different. Once you have that ballpark figure, you can then start to prioritise the most important elements to you and divide your budget accordingly.
2. Dealing With Unsolicited Advice or Opinions
It all comes out when you are planning your wedding, doesn’t it?! People feel so entitled to give you advice or opinions, often based on outdated ideas and beliefs when it comes to what a wedding should look like. And it wears you down after a while (speaking from experience!)
It’s inevitable that this is going to happen so, accepting it as part and parcel of your wedding planning journey, is your best bet. You don’t have to like it but you do get to choose how much you let it annoy you. A short ‘thanks for your suggestion, we’ll take it on board’ will suffice before you forget about it and carry on with what you really want to do. You could even have some fun with it and laugh about it behind closed doors. Just keep reminding yourselves, it’s really not that deep.
3. The Dreaded ‘Plus One’ Question
Show me a wedding where to to-be-weds didn’t encounter the awkwardness of the dreaded ‘Can I bring a plus one’? ESPECIALLY when the ‘plus one’ is the latest person they matched with on Tinder last week!
I’d like to say that the best way to deal with this is to manage expectations by specifying plus oneS on thei invite but sadly, people still ask so, what do you do?
Well, you get even more specific on your invitations.
‘Due to numbers and budget constraints, we can’t accommodate any plus ones unless stated on your invitation. We appreciate your understanding.’
And if they still have the nerve… refer them back to the invite!
4. Breaking Wedding Traditions
Whilst it’s fun to be a rebel on your wedding day and break the traditions that don’t feel right for you, it can bring about some stressful and awkward situations with others who don’t share the same views as you.
If you’re planning to break a wedding tradition that might be important to someone else then it’s only right to have a discussion about it so everyone knows where they stand. An example of this might be deciding against your father ‘giving you away’. Because yeah, the origin of this tradition is kind of icky and outdated but your poor old dad won’t necessarily see it like this and may have been dreaming of this day for a very long time. If breaking certain traditions becomes an issue then perhaps you can reach a compromise that suits all parties involved.
A proud father walking his daughter down the aisle
5. Addressing Controversial Issues
Most people want their wedding to reflect their values and beliefs but this can sometimes lead to potential clashes with family members or guests, especially when it comes to controversial issues. It might be that you have relatives who do not support same-sex marriage or who have strong political beliefs that differ from your own.
Whilst you want to stay true to yourselves, it’s possible to address these issues in a respectful manner whilst also being open to hearing other people’s perspectives. This can lead to constructive conversations that will hopefully allow you to have a more inclusive wedding celebration.
Ultimately, the key is to approach controversial issues with empathy and understanding. Remember that this is a day about you guys, but it is also a day that brings together your loved ones. Finding ways to include and honor everyone's perspectives can create a more meaningful wedding celebration.
6. Navigating Special Requests from Guests
I mean look, in an ideal world you want to keep everyone happy but some people really take the piss with their demands and this is not what you need when you have a room full of people who all want different things.
This one is simple - Unless the request is vitally important to someone’s well-being i.e a food allergy that needs to be catered for, or a physical/mental health issue that requires special consideration, don’t pander to it.
It’s far too easy to be sucked into trying to please everyone. ‘So and so’ not wanting to sit near ‘so and so’ or Uncle What’s His Face who you haven’t seen for years wants a special rate at the hotel, shouldn’t be your problem to solve. A little bit of pushback is all it takes… ‘Ah sorry, I’m going to have to leave that with you because we are pretty snowed under with the rest of the arrangements. Hope you understand.’
7. Unwanted Advice from Vendors
Most of the time your wedding vendors are just trying to help because they work on weddings day in, and day out, and they may have nuggets of wisdom that are really valuable for you. But they also know, more than anyone (our Book Of Love directory members definitely do! ) that it’s your wedding and you get to make the final call, so don’t be afraid to say ‘thanks but no thanks’.
8. Managing Disagreements Over Wedding Details
Let’s face it, it’s going to happen!
From choosing the color scheme to the guest list, there are countless decisions to be made. If you have different ideas and preferences, conflicts can arise. However, it's possible to manage these disagreements in a healthy way to prevent them from causing unnecessary stress and strain on your relationship.
The best way to manage disagreements is to communicate openly and respectfully. You should feel comfortable expressing your views and listening to each other’s perspectives. Avoiding conflict or keeping your true feelings bottled up can lead to resentment and tension. Whilst you’re not obliged to listen to anyone else’s opinion, it is important that you guys are on board with each other or can at least reach a compromise on certain things.
9. Asking For Money As A Gift
If these things were in rank order, this would be number 1!
Asking for money can feel super awkward, but chances are you have probably already set up your new home, and a gift registry for more kitchen appliances is the last thing you need.
Some cultures have a tradition of giving cash as a wedding gift, it's not as common in other cultures, so need to consider your guests' expectations and their cultural background when asking for money. One approach is to create a subtle yet clear message on your wedding website or invitations that encourage monetary gifts. Our pals at Patchwork have created a beautiful way for your guests to get together to fund the one wedding gift you really want - an adventure honeymoon, flat deposit, vintage campervan, work of art, garden makeover, joint tattoos…. whatever your heart desires! Being specific about the purpose of the gift can help guests feel more comfortable with giving money. Patchwork helps couples show what the money will go towards. This takes the awkwardness out of asking and guests will feel like they are contributing to a specific goal rather than just giving money aimlessly.
10. Choosing Your Wedding Party
Ok, this should be one of the most exciting parts of wedding planning but deciding who will stand by your side on your big day, with so many friends and family members to consider, can be a daunting task and the likelihood is that someone will get upset even with the best will in the world!
Firstly, there are no rules when it comes to choosing your wedding party. You can have as little or as many people as you like… You could even bypass it altogether because your whole wedding is a celebration and everyone who is there is your wedding party, right?!
If you do want an ‘I Do Crew’ then this is likely to include those who you're closest to and who have been there for you throughout your relationship. Don’t feel obliged to ask certain people just because you’re related or you think they are expecting it. You’ll know deep down who those people are so it’s worth having an open and honest dialogue with them before they hear from someone else that they didn’t make the grade.
When you just can’t choose so you ask them all!
It’s highly likely that you’ll encounter many of these awkward scenarios (and maybe a few new ones) when planning your wedding but most of them can be dealt with by having a conversation with all involved. Just remember, it’s still your wedding and you won’t always appease everyone in these situations. Empathy and understanding is the best approach but it cuts both ways and your empathy and understanding need to be met at least halfway otherwise you might need to rethink that guestlist.